Hello everybody, and welcome back to If I'm Honest with Julia Landauer. I know that we have had a little break, so welcome back. I am so excited that I was able to get this discussion in with today's guest because she was in town for a couple days. She is now no longer in town, and Carly Valancy is a founder, artist, and writer. She's performed on Broadway stages and held executive roles at high-growth tech startups, and every single opportunity has come from the consistent practice of reaching out. So now Carly writes about connection. She teaches corporate workshops and builds products and experiences that help people find their people. She's the founder of Reach Out Party and Tether, tools that turn meaningful connections into outsized opportunities. She's the creator of Anti Networking, an in-person touring event series designed for depth instead of volume, and Carly is also the co-founder of Momentum, a growth consultancy geared towards helping connection-focused startups scale. This conversation was incredible. One, Carly is incredibly well-spoken, and everything she said was very purposeful. And so, I feel like I got speaking tips just by listening to her, and she conveys so much passion as to why the art of reaching out and making connections with people is so important. She goes into how she got into this business. She's also very honest and vulnerable about what wasn't working for her originally. She shares how she technically built her business, everything from people she's hired to tools that she's invested in, to systems that she's set up, things that worked well, things that didn't work well. She talked about the importance of being open to people around you and really leaning into curiosity, which she was able to do by her her goal of reaching out to a lot of people. She's very detailed and vulnerable and open in her storytelling. She was an absolute pleasure to listen to, and I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I enjoyed recording it. Carly, thank you so much for joining me on If I'm Honest. Thank you so much for having me. So you are in New York this week, and we'll get to why in a second. But you're from Florida. How has this trip been this week? So I like to say that my business is based in New York, even though I fully work remote, but I used to live in New York City, and I had I had a really hard time leaving. I love New York City. I've loved it for my whole life. New York was my bat mitzvah theme. It's a very important place for me, and so now that I run my own business and I'm able to work from anywhere, I keep finding opportunities that bring me to New York. And then once I have one, I'm like, oh, while I'm in the city for two days, three days, let me pack in all this other stuff. And the more that I do that, the more I seem to find opportunities to come back, so yeah, a lot of people assume that I live in New York, but I don't because you're here all the time. Well, that's how we kind of got like we got connected by actually another guest on the podcast. Shout out Mick! Shout out Mick! And and like yeah, you we were talking. I was like, I'd love to have you next time you're in New York, and it was two weeks later. So this is so cool, and I totally get that. And what I found, so I grew up in New York until age 18, and then went to school in California, went to North Carolina. There's a intense. There's an intensity and a like a vitality and like a hustle and just like there's so much energy here. And I understand that either people love it or don't. Yeah. And if you do, like I was I was so hungry to get back, and I describe it as like I'm the most tired that I've been, and the most energized. No, it's like it's heaven and hell. It's it's such a hard place to live, and also I think there's something really interesting about like I think I do way cooler things in New York now. I host events in New York. I have meetings with like the most impressive people. I get to do things like this, like, and I think that it is because I have a scarcity of time here. So whenever I am here, I am making the most. Like I'm here for 72 hours, and it has been a packed 72 hours, and then I will go home and sleep. Oh yeah, that's a really kind of nice way. I think that I truly like do more and get more out of New York City now than I ever did when I lived here. I'm finding that that's it seems like not uncommon because I also now that I've moved here and I'm here. It's like that balance of your cozy home comfort life versus all the other stuff, and especially as people who are go getters and like you know have a lot that we want to do. I also find like I can be sitting in my apartment and not leave for days on end. Like if I'm working remote and you know if I'm cooking all my meals, like we have a gym in our building, so like I really don't have to leave. And it's crazy how much you can settle into that. And then I'll walk on the street, like coming home from work one day. I'm like, oh my god, everything's going on, and I have so much, you know, FOMO for lack of a better phrase. Of like, wow, there's so much to do. I need to do all of it. So I totally get that. That that. And forth. Yeah. So this week, do you want to share kind of what you were doing here? Yes. So I came here for for a workshop. I've been teaching corporate workshops, workshops for private communities. Have sort of like a signature. It's a 90 minute workshop called "How to Write an Unignorable Message," and It's amazing, but I I came here specifically for that reason. I taught a workshop at CHIEF this week, Executive Women's Community, incredible incredible group. So that was really fun. And then around that, I was sort of able to plan a bunch of other meetings and events, and yeah, it's been awesome. So cool. Well, and so I've now been following you for a little while now, and you know, we'll get into what you do exactly. But you know, you kind of outlined how you got this event with and this engagement with CHIEF and like someone you met seven years ago that led to someone else, and the kind of that ripple effect of meeting people. And so now I want to like dive into how you got to doing that because that's what your work centers around now, and how people can build their networks in a really organic way. And apologies if I butchered that. You can you can correct me on the phrasing, but you have a very varied professional life, and so you started on Broadway and you worked at a tech company, and now you describe yourself as someone who loves making things and meeting people. And I saw on your website that you have a note at the bottom: life really is about who you know. So how did you get that as your mantra, and how do we get here today? Ah, yeah. Okay, so I went to school for musical theater, and I moved to New York City. And I didn't know anyone. I moved. I grew up in South Florida. I went to school in Colorado in a very small rural town where I got my BFA in musical theater. And in those conservatory style programs, you are with the same 15 people for all four years. Oh wow! And it's kind of it's awesome. I didn't take a like normal college class, right? Ever, and I learned so much in that time. And but but you move to New York City, and you're you're used to being with this like small group of people, and all of a sudden you're kind of pushed out into this big world, and being a beginner in the theater industry, being a beginner in any industry is really hard. But specifically, my experience in auditions and in you know trying to make it, so to speak, was really sobering. I guess I'd call it, like it was really, it was a lot harder than I expected, and essentially, what you do when you and this was this is now there's a lot like more like video audition self tapes, but when I moved to New York City in 2019, what you would do is you would show up at the at Pearl Studios at these auditions, and you would have to wait outside. Even in the winter, you would wait outside before the building opens. So you might get there at 4:30-5 a.m. and you wait outside till the building opens. You go inside, you sign your name on a piece of paper with the hundreds of other people that are there, and then you get put in a holding room with hundreds of other people that look a lot like you, and you sit there in your chair on your phone until it's time to go in and see these casting directors. And maybe if you're lucky, you get to sing for 30 seconds. Maybe if you're lucky, a casting director looks up at you. It's just a really, it's a difficult foray into like this new industry, and I found it like really upsetting. And then if I wasn't auditioning, I was then like working at a coffee shop or I had a service job, and I just kept hearing the phrase "life is about who you know." It's like it's the most famous trope ever. It's like typically people say the phrase "life is about who you know" to indicate that there are certain opportunities available to some people because they know people, and there are certain opportunities that are not available to the rest of us, right? And it was always said with sort of like this smug, like eye roll, like it's like a if you're a nepo baby, that kind of a thing. Yeah. And around that time, I I was riding the subway, and there was a woman who was carrying the same book that I was carrying, and we sort of like it was like a sweet New York moment, you know. We gave each other like an eye, and then when she was getting off at her stop, she handed me her business card, and she was like, "You have great taste in books. We should connect. Ah, she's like this older woman, bright orange bob. I was like, "Oh my goodness, New York lady, and. I looked down at her business card, and she's the executive director of Lincoln Center Library. No, and I was like, "Wow, what an unbelievable moment of serendipity in my life! Yeah, and I just couldn't believe it. And at the same time, this like existential dread came over me because I became so insecure and full of imposter syndrome. That's like, who am I to reach out to her? It's like 22. I just moved to New York. I had no connections, no experience, and I waited three months to email her. I probably wouldn't have it all, but I put it in my dust drawer and I was cleaning out my dust drawer, and I was like, I will never forget that. Like, this seems like such an obvious opportunity. This is an open door for me to walk through, and like, essentially, I am rejecting myself. Yeah, by not sending this email. Yeah. So I sent this email, and was essentially like, sorry it took me so long, but I would love to connect and get coffee. Her assistant emailed me back. We ended up getting coffee. Long story short, she hired me. I worked for her for a year as her personal assistant, and it was an incredible experience. I met so many amazing people through that opportunity. But I think more than anything, it just planted the seed in my head that like life is about who you know. Yeah, that is a trope for a reason. Yeah, and that it's not about you know always being in the right place at the right time. That's part of it. Yeah, but part of it also is taking action. If I hadn't sent that email, this chain reaction of things probably wouldn't happen. And around that same time, I read a book called "Reach Out" by Molly Beck, and I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna challenge myself to reach out to one person every day for 100 days because if this one thing happened from one email that totally changed my life, what might happen? Right? Like imagine what might happen, so it's sort of this like grand experiment, and yeah, it absolutely changed my life in in so many ways. I mean, I found so many opportunities that that came from it, so many tangible things. I found an agent. I booked a national tour. I connected with so many heroes of mine in the industry that all of a sudden, moving to New York months ago, I had no connections, no experience. Three months later, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm a different person, you know. And I think more than anything, I just gained a lot of confidence. Oh, I love that. Found my voice. I learned how to write to people who were way out of my league. Yeah, and I just sort of fell in love with the idea that that life is about who you know, and that we have so much more agency than we think we do or want to think we do. Yeah, in finding those people and knowing the people that we want to know. Yeah. Oh my gosh, I got. Oh my gosh, I got chills because you kind of touched on a few different things that I also think are so important. So, like one, when you said that you know, who like timing is and everything is important, but you know that's kind of luck. And luck is when preparation meets opportunity. And at the end of the day, there's so much we're not in control of, but that outreach, that proactivity, and doing stuff, we have 100% control over. And I also really liked what you say that like you were rejecting yourself by not sending that email, something that I also like firmly believe is like so many other people will tell us no, and so we should never be the ones to tell ourselves no. And like also part of the luck was that this high up woman took the initiative to give you her card. Like she didn't have to do that, and so like seeing that generosity on her part, like, should be like for everyone listening. Like, if someone gives you your card, like, some some people are not going to do anything for you, and that's okay. But if someone gives you your card, there is an inkling of wanting to connect, and that's so powerful. Totally, and just to have the realization too that like people generally want to help, want to be helpful, want to learn. People are like much more open and curious to saying yes than we think. I think there's like a lot of talk around rejection, and yes, of course. I mean, I've been rejected in a lot of different crazy ways in the theater industry and in tech and beyond, and that is a hot topic. Like a lot of people talk about rejection, how to deal with rejection, but I think sometimes that causes us to really focus in on the rejection piece of it, and start to ignore the other side, which is that maybe, just maybe, like the person on the other side of that email or that serendipitous meeting actually wants to hear from you. That it is like a gift to them to hear from you. And I just I don't think people think about that side enough. That's a really good reframe, and and like rejection is definitely part of it, right? Like we we all will get rejected so many times, but it doesn't. What what I learned, especially like in pitching sponsorship for racing and everything, like so rarely is it about you, like so often, like sometimes it's about you, right? And that's okay. But so often it's about circumstance or the other people's situation or timing. If it's anything to do with corporate, like so much is it like brand priorities and budgets and all this stuff. So it's like I just wrote a piece about this that like maintaining your enthusiasm, like for that. And so yeah, that's your district. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So with the 100 day email challenge, and it was really cool to read more about this. But what was something that got unexpectedly easier, but then also something that got unexpectedly harder? Something that got unexpectedly easier Was the habit of it of like literally opening up my computer, knowing like okay, I'm going to reach out today. Something that is like I think part of that too is a lot of people ask me the question of like but I don't know who to reach out to, and the the challenge of like 100 put me in a position where I would wake up in the morning and be like, I don't know who to reach out to today, but I gotta figure it out because today is day 27, and I challenged myself to do this. And so, something that got easier was like seeing connections everywhere. So, as an example, when I initially did this, and I did the challenge again recently. Oh, that's my 30s. I think I wanted to like prove to myself that I'm like, okay, maybe it was maybe it was life changing and easy to do this when I was in my early 20s and I didn't have responsibilities or I had like more time to actually do this. But is this something that is beneficial to do when you already have a career, when you have experiences, when you have a network, yeah, when you have less time, when you have a family and a child? I mean, I have a toddler. I was like, I don't have time to do this. Yeah, but you make time, and and so anyway, that's an aside. But when I originally did this challenge, I would I was going to a lot of Broadway shows, and I started to realize in the playbill, hundreds of people, cast members, producers, like random people that you're like, oh, who's this? And so finding and seeing connections everywhere, it made me look around at my life and think like, oh, who made that thing? Like that book on the table? Like who who who wrote that? Probably like not just one person. There was a lot of people that like went into making that this podcast. Like who was behind it? And it started to become easier and easier to pay attention to things that like I was pulled by, pay attention to things that like excited me, that interest me, and and think like, oh, someone made that. Like, should reach out to them just because like they're doing cool stuff, right? Like almost like a curiosity. It sounds like like that like feed your like did it like develop more curiosity or like definitely yeah, and it and I had proof at that point in my life. Like the more you do it, the more proof you have that cool stuff's going to happen. Yeah, it's just like literally only a matter of time. Yeah, I run a mastermind called Reach Out Party that helps people like identify the people that can open doors that change their life and and help them like actually reach out to those people. Yeah, and the promise that I make at the beginning of the cohort is like, if you do this, it will change your life. And it's like such a kind of hilariously large thing to promise, but it's almost like self fulfilling prophecy where it's like, yeah, everyone knows that they should be reaching out more to to be able to do the thing that like you know is so good for you, that is such a like high leverage activity for your career, for your personal life, right? And to just be more intentional about that, like your life will change. So I think that's the thing that became easier is just like trusting that I was like, this is a good activity. I'm gonna spend time doing this. I'm getting better at this, like that feels good, yeah. And I'm you're mastering. I'm able to like then find people, yeah, in really like unique and weird ways. Okay, the thing that got harder was keeping track of it all. Like, what starts to happen is really cool things responses come back, and then all of a sudden, you're like, "Oh my gosh, I need to expand my capacity to even hold these things, these responses. Because you know, one email could lead to a meeting, could lead to a job, could lead to all of a sudden, like now this is taking up time in your life in a way that you didn't expect, and so holding that and learning to. To expand your capacity to hold bigger things for yourself is like it's constant. Even now, like when I'm reaching out to people, it's constantly feels like uncomfortable. It's like it stretches you, and I know again that's like a net positive for my life. Right, but it is it's it's hard. It's really hard. Totally, no, I completely agree. And gosh, what an amazing like period of growth, like intellectually. Yeah, anyone that wants like rapid growth in their life, highly recommend it. No, I, and I think that's something that I probably took for granted a little bit because I started racing cars when I was 13. Like I knew that, and like my parents, you know, they're like you got to raise money. So, like, I was making pitches in high school, and so they kind of like I I could see because of other people's reactions to what I was doing. I knew that I had a cool hook to be able to reach out, and something I found, especially when I went to college and everything, and like kind of was talking to my friends, like I wish that so many more of my friends had that confidence that you've you know now developed and help other people develop because to your point everyone's story is special and if you know how to craft it and articulate it in a way for other people like you should have full confidence in being able to reach out. So it's it's such a gift to that you're able to kind of really distill that down into very tangible steps, and now that's your full-time business. Yeah, and I think it's also interesting too that, like, how lucky are you at such a young age to have been able to register other people's reactions to this thing that you were passionate about? Like, that is such a that is such a unique experience, and I think I felt that too when I when I first started this reach out challenge. Yeah, I would tell friends about it, and I remember telling I had a a really influential mentor in my life and an acting teacher of mine, and I told her that I was doing this, and I was like, oh yeah, like I I found an agent, and I found I just emailed her, and I'm. I'm on. I'm actually. I'm on day 87. Oh yeah. Really cool. And she was like, "What? Yeah. She's like, "What are you? What are you doing? Yeah. And she was like, "You have to tell people that you're doing this. You have to teach people how to do this. Yeah. And sometimes we are not able to recognize that in ourselves until someone else points it out to you, or someone else reacts to this thing, and where you're like, "Oh, wow! That and and if she wouldn't have the the whole reach out party started is because Jen, she my acting teacher, she was basically like, "You should host a 100th reach out party and host it at the studio, and we'll invite everyone, and it'll just be like a celebration of this really cool milestone. Yeah, and it turned into basically what has become the foundation of all of my work, and all of that really started because I was able to share something that I was uniquely passionate about and excited about, and see other people's reactions to it and know like, ooh, I'm onto something here. You're onto something. Okay, so I want to dig into that a little bit, like the multiple things that you're doing, and this is kind of multi-fold because like, one, I want to know the like the magic that you're helping people find. So that's really cool. But also, as an entrepreneur, like having different offerings becomes really important. Multiple revenue streams, and so you have pretty much five big pillars of of the work that you do and how you help others, and that's with Reach Out Party, Tether coaching, Momentum Consulting, and Anti Networking. So, can you kind of go through what those each are, and then like how they play together and I don't know anything you want about how you develop those. Yeah, totally. So reach out parties like my signature thing. I've been doing it for for for so long. I mean, I I this is I'm going on cohort 14, which starts in October, which is really exciting. But it's actually interesting, and we can talk about this too. But I started it in COVID, and I ran 12 cohorts back to back with no break in between. And I, it was built during during the pandemic in that we literally met on Zoom every single day. Like it was very COVID time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I burned out from it in such an intense way that I stopped, and I was like, "I'm not doing this again. That's when I pivoted into tech, and it wasn't until about a year ago that I was like, "I really had something there. Let me take what I've learned and rebuild it and make it something totally new and unique, so it has many. It has like the same heartbeat, which is essentially it is a two month mastermind that where the idea is the more you reach out, the luckier you get, and when you can do that inside of a community of people who are doing it too, you're more inspired to think outside the box. And hold yourself to a higher standard, and ask for more ambitious things, and send more moonshots, and all this stuff. So it's really fun. So that's sort of like my my signature thing. And then Tether is the tool that I built to help with the problem that comes up of tracking and like, how do you hold it all? You can't, so it's essentially like an anti CRM. It's like all the things that you would hate about a CRM, Tether is the opposite of. But it does help you track the people that you are meeting. Think like think like the Strava of of CRMs, it's like like you wouldn't track your run or your ride in Google Maps, but you track like intentional places you are going in Strava. So the way that I think about Tether, and I'm actually building like the next iteration of it right now, which is super exciting. But it's like actually don't want it to be hooked up to your LinkedIn and your email, and for it to track every person you ever met. The purpose of it is for you to track the intentional connections that you are making, have made, want to make towards your goals. So, so that's that's been really awesome to like create a tool because I mean I started tracking this on like a shitty Excel spreadsheet, right? And you get to now build it specifically totally for the problem that you're solving. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, so that's Tether. I have an event series called Anti Networking, which is basically exactly what it sounds like, but it's it takes the idea that if at a traditional networking event you're supposed to meet as many people as possible as fast as possible, and then you leave like overstimulated. Yeah. Um, this event series is about the basically the main the main goal is to make one meaningful connection. Um, and so it's a it's a really it's been really awesome. We've hosted like four sold out events in different cities, and now we're actually bringing on other people to host in different cities. Oh, cool! Yeah. Oh, that growth is awesome. It's just like it's so awesome. It's got this energy behind it where I'm like, this is so special. It's like got such a magic, and I think in-person experiences, especially singular experiences, are so people are craving it so much, and it's so important. And so it's just like the greatest honor to be able to hold spaces like that and build them and scale them. But inside of anti-networking, I also lead these corporate workshops for communities and companies, and then and then I do like a little bit of consulting. I typically work with one client at a time. Any more than that, and I I feel like my capacity spread too thin, and and I, I'm a I'm a I've become really great at code switching in a in a lot of ways, but but I still find it like really fun to get inside of someone else's business and help them grow it too. Yeah. So yeah, that is so cool. So in kind of what regardless of which avenue it's in, like you work with a lot of founders, I would assume it's across all those verticals. What's something you consistently see people overcomplicate? I think that I consistently see people making assumptions about how little time everyone has, And so, the solution is, I want to create something that only takes a little bit of someone's time or attention, because it's like this in this attention economy that we're living in. It's like so hard to capture people, and I think the mistake is like solving for the problem of like squeezing your way into someone's day for like five seconds, whether it's like founders who are building software or community or creators, it's like let's speak as fast as possible because we only have like one second to hook people in, and and then you end up creating something that looks and feels just like what everyone else is creating, and in much of my work, I think I've I've realized that my special sauce is like let's do the opposite of what everyone else is doing. Yeah, and for my work with founders, I'm like okay, let's just flip it on its head. Let's like take the total opposite approach and try and build an experience that allows people to like spend an hour going down the rabbit hole of your work, or like allows people. I think a lot of people, especially in my target audience or the worlds that I operate in, it's like people are craving opportunities to slow down to have deep. A more electric conversations to be able to spend time somewhere meaningfully, and so that is the mistake that I think. Like instead of instead of building something or creating something that has more depth and texture and weirdness and richness in it, it's like let's make something that we can box up and sell as fast as possible, and like not bother people too much with. Right. Yeah. Okay. I have a few follow-ups to that because I, I, also agree that people need to slow down and like paired with people craving you know in real life in person events. I also believe that so many people, whether they're founders or working corporate or staying at home, like so many people are just working so hard and spending so much time and energy and you know effort at their work that a lot of a lot of people aren't making a lot of time for curiosity and for play, if you will, and so I think that from what like something that's so important for people to remember is like to your point, you're giving people the opportunity to kind of have a spark of something new, and like I think that's like what's so cool that reframe of you might be doing someone a favor with the understanding that like your story and what you're sharing is not going to resonate with everybody, and so it's not going to be a win every time. But for the people that it is, you're like doing them a favor, and I think that that's a really cool way for anyone to view themselves. Yeah, I mean, I think about that a lot too, and even in like the microcosm of like, how do you send an unignorable email? Like, what it what does that structure look like? And I feel like so much of at least what's worked for me and the people that I've worked with is like just going against the grain and being as yourself as possible. Even if I mean we're all like everyone's just trying to optimize and move as efficiently as possible, and I'm like, but what if it was like super inefficient, and what if it took you like an extra 20 minutes to like really figure out what your ask is and not take the easy way out? And you know, I think about this a lot for great examples of cold emails. A lot of people will say, like, make it as brief as possible. You want it to be three bullet points long. Like, maybe don't even have any words. It's like, like we get all of this advice for how to optimize and catch people's attention, and like that might work for some people. Yeah, but for a lot of people, doesn't, and that's okay. And like for me, I would much rather send a two, three paragraph email that is super different than what people are used to getting in their inboxes. And if it's not for the person on the receiving end, okay. But a lot of the times, I mean, I always tell people like the best thing you can do if you want to improve your communication is to just have an intention. So, mine, for example, is like, and and anyone can do this. Just completing the sentence: when people meet me, I'd like for them to feel insert answer like, and mine is a good omen. So when people meet me, I would like for them to feel like it's a good omen, and that just like kind of colors my experience of how I show up in the world when I'm meeting people in person, when I'm emailing someone, DMing, like, and I think it really does make such a huge difference, and and it it comes back to this idea of like the way that you can show up and fully be yourself is is to pay attention to you know who you actually are and how you can show up in that way. Well, and then that also like will make you more likely to connect with people that you will actually have really strong synergies with. And I think about so I'm glad you said that because, like, I talk about that in my keynotes. I talk about authenticity and how you have to be really intentional about how you carry yourself, how you want people to feel around you. And I had to like learn that and work on that in college. And, but I also think, like, I think about about that in like a dating perspective and like looking back. And there was an instance with my my siblings, my brother, sister, and I are all very close, and we talk all the time. When I was living away, we had a Facetime every week, like we're really, really close. And I realized a handful of years ago, one of them was kind of dating someone new and like asking for advice and and what to do, and the other sibling gave advice, and I was just like, "What? Like that is so wrong! Like how? And you, I realized like no one has any business giving anyone else dating advice except for maybe like red flags, like things that probably are objectively wrong and bad to avoid. But like no one has any business giving anyone dating advice because. What's going to work for the person that you might want to have a long-term relationship with is what's unique to you, and so like, like you should do exactly what you feel is right and what you want to do, assuming it's not causing harm. And then, so it's just it's funny to think about like that intentionality and like that. I like that lens of how do you want people to feel around you, and then using that filter almost for everything that you do. Yeah, I'd be curious to know what you're like. How would you fill in the blank when people meet me? I'd like for them to feel. I I want people to feel that human connection with me, and I think part of that is like because I had that bold icebreaker of being a race car driver. I think a lot of people made a bunch of assumptions, and especially being being a female in racing, being a New Yorker in NASCAR, like I think people had a lot of preconceived notions about me, and they weren't always positive. And I know I have a really firm resting face, and like like I know all this. I know I can come off as stern and cold, and I realized that I really wanted to change that. Partially because I was on Survivor, so I oh yeah yeah. So I was with a bunch of like random people, and like I see this like it was a whole thing, but I it was a good wake up call to like be a little attention, more intentional about how you hold yourself, yeah. So yeah, that human connection, and so even though I'm the one who's like won championships and pursued racing and all this fun stuff, I'm gonna show up and I'm gonna be able to talk with anyone. And it was something my mom did really well. She she could make anyone, regardless of who they were, what they were doing, feel important. And I saw how far that went. Yeah, totally. I love that, and I think it's so it's so cool to realize that when you we're always worried about or wondering about how people are perceiving us, judging us, all of these things, and often what's so cool about this just paying attention to an intention like this is it's typically the way that we want to be seen too. It's like when people meet me in the in the workshop at CHIEF yesterday. I had I had everyone go through this exercise, and some of the answers were so beautiful. Like when people meet me, I want them to feel full of possibility. I want them to feel relaxed, seen, heard. I mean, all of these. Like, yeah, that's that would be a lovely way to experience someone, and and when you flip it, it's like yeah, well, that's how I want to be. I mean, that's how I want to experience people too. Like, if you want to give people the feeling of like human connection, it's because you want that too. I'm just like, oh yeah, that's what a that's what making connections is all about. What it's all about. That's why we're doing all of this, right? So that's obviously the ethos of kind of why you're doing what you're doing. Like I can tell how passionate you are, and obviously how how thorough you are in your assessments and the ability to help people. So I think that's so cool. But I'm I'm also really fascinated by the tactical and technical steps of building and creating a company, and like I'm going through stuff myself, and so I'm just like, did people know to do this sooner? Like, and I'm fascinated by like when people, especially entrepreneurs, like start to hire people versus contract work. So I have a few kind of specific building questions, what were some of the first operational decisions that you had to make that like people don't think about when they're taking their talent and what they're good at and passionate about and turning it into a business? Okay, so the first one that comes to mind is just like with Reach Out Party. That was sort of my first. I was like, okay, I'm gonna bring back Reach Up Party, but because I'd had such a difficult experience with it the first, like you could say that I built something really cool and then I completely left it. Like I woke up one day, I was just super burnt out. Yeah, I took a full time job at a tech company and I was like, I'm gone. Yeah, and I always regretted that, and I always had this thought in my mind that was like, I could have maybe. What if I had continued doing that? But it never would have been able to grow if I continued the way that I was operating. Yeah. So I think that failure really taught me a lot about like okay, I need to have excellent systems. Like if I'm going to do this well, one of the first decisions that I made was like it has to be seasonal. I don't want it to be always on. I think sometimes, especially being in a lot of my work in tech, was like in the community space. Yeah. So being a part of many Slack communities that are like always on, for me as the person running it, I was like, don't want to do it. Yeah, do not want to do it. And so the first decision I made, which was like kind of uncommon. Is that I only wanted to run it a couple times a year, yeah, and there would be off seasons where I wouldn't even think about it. Nice, and that has actually worked really well because now people sign up really quickly because it's like, oh my gosh, there are only 50 spots, yeah, and the next one isn't for another five months, yeah, and like I gotta if I'm gonna do it, I gotta do it now, yeah. So it's driven like really cool urgency in a way that I didn't expect, but that was sort of like a decision that I was I was like okay this is I'm gonna make this decision I think the other thing was I wanted to build a tool like Tether where someone I mean Reach Out Party is like a higher touch more like expensive more involved experience and I was like, I want to build something for someone that if they want like the DIY version, they can get tether, and it's like a one-time fee, and then like they can kind of move on and and learn the skill themselves. And so, so I I I sort of laid out. I actually I had this graph of like when I was starting to think about like what would what what is this business right? It was really helpful for me to define a phrase. So I was like, I want everything to connect back to the phrase "find your people. If it does not connect back to that phrase, I probably shouldn't do it. And so slowly, I started to develop these offers that would connect back to that phrase, and it's your mission statement. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But but yeah, I think it was just like slowly, one piece at a time, thinking through, like, all right, assuming this is going to work, which I had no like. You have to though, as a fact. Like you have to as building anything or pursuing anything, you have to go with the assumption it will work. Yes, assuming this is going to work, here is what it will look like. Yeah, and as an example of that, like consulting was a way bigger part of my business model a year ago than it is now. Events didn't even exist in my mind's eye. Yeah, now it's like a huge vertical for me. Yeah. And so I think going and like shifting with what comes up and what is working is really important to have that sort of like malleable mindset of like, okay, I'm going, I'm going with the wind, but to be able to build systems for yourself that like at least keep you tethered to hey to like one or two main tenets of your business have have been like a big grounding for me. Yeah, if you're comfortable sharing, like when you when it's building tether, did you build that yourself? Did you hire a coder? Did you was AI a thing? Like how did you technically build this product? So the first version of it, which is the version that, as we are recording, exists but soon won't, is a Notion operating system. So it's like Notion template that's like really tricked out. I am a huge Notion head. When I started working at early stage startups, I was like, "This is amazing, and so I built Tether myself, and then I had someone who was like a real Notion pro take a look at it and be like, "Uh, this would be better. This would be cooler. And so she helped me. That was awesome. But I wanted it to be, I wanted it to be like a Notion template like no one's ever seen before. So, I really I built that for like three whole months before I released it, and then over the past couple of months, basically like I've just been building the web app version of it, and I started vibe coding In January, like when it was still kind of like pretty new, and so I've become really good. Nice. So I started that way, and then I got to a point where I was like, "Oh, there's like security stuff involved. Yeah, I got to a point where it was beyond me, and it couldn't be a tool that was vibe coded. So, so now I'm working with an engineer on it, and we're rolling it out to cohort 14 of. Yeah, that's so cool. I'm really excited. Congrats! So that kind of like lends itself nicely to like the follow question with people and like when you outsource or outs, excuse me, and when you outsource to others. Like for me, it's always been important for me to invest in legal representation. I always have had a web developer because shout out to Nate because I just knew that that's not something I wanted to handle. So those were always things that were really important to me to have people, and then I felt like I could figure out a lot by myself, and that's expanded now. But for you, what were areas that you needed to outsource to professionals? So I have essentially different teams for every different vertical of my business, except I do have a chief of staff that kind of covers my operations. Of like a couple of different things, so that's been I've realized that operations is actually not my thing, and I've like white knuckled it for the past year of being like I can figure it out, I can do this. So much of being an entrepreneur is that is just being like this is hard, I can do it. This is hard. I can do it. But I think over time I've realized, like, oh, I can do this. But if I actually want to grow and scale in a meaningful way, I have to remove myself from this part of it. And bringing someone in who that is their thing has been huge, yeah. So, so that's sort of one person that like spans over a couple of different elements of the business. But then, with Tether right now, I'm working with a UI designer and an engineer. My engineer actually really cool story. He sent me a cold email. No way! Oh, that's so serendipitous. He's like, I always tell people, like, I'm like, this guy's from the future. Like, he's, he is. Imagine the opposite person of me. Like, it's, he is, has like built a bunch of really cool companies before, and is in a position in life where he's like, yeah, I just want to work on stuff that inspires me, and I think this could be really cool. And at the same time, I was vibe coding tether, and I was like, whoa, this is amazing, really awesome. So super serendipitously, I was like, okay, let's let's do it. Let's start building it together. So that's been incredible, and we're building in designer. I think design has been a huge thing to invest in for me. Oh, same. Should have said that too. I can't. I mean, artistically, I can't. And it's just like I think it's so important, especially for for my work in the networking space and the connection space. So much of the content of the tools built for networking are gross. They're ugly. They're I hate I hate it. And and for me, I only want to use like if if I'm gonna get myself to send an email, which is still now even even after years of doing it, it's hard. There are many days, more days than not, that I wake up and I'm like, I don't want to do this. Yeah. So having tools and community experiences that that make it feel warm and lush and fun to do is everything. So like investing in design across like every part of the business is huge. And then for for Reach Out Party, I have a someone that helps you manage the community, which is excellent. And then events has been like a new one where I have a lot of collaborators in different cities. So in order to make the events feel super local, I typically it's people that have found me that are like, hey, I'm in London. I I would love to help out, and so I'm just like I will take you up on that. Yeah, and I end up having for every event three to four people who are like owning a certain piece of it, and we kind of get it all done together, and it's it's awesome. So and that part's that part's growing now. So that's so cool. Well, thank you for sharing all that because like I think it's so fascinating. Yeah, people go about building businesses in very different ways, and and it's it's really cool when you get into a position where you can invest in in the pros and in people to help you in areas that you know that aren't your strongest, and then you can focus on the real mission. So at this point, how are you primarily generating clients? Is it primarily inbound through website, and is it word of mouth? Are you doing a lot of outbound stuff? I, I for for consulting clients, I don't. It's all word of mouth, friends of friends, which is awesome. That's awesome. It took me a while to get to that place, by the way, and it took me a long. I think for people who do consulting and freelancing, it can be-it's almost impossible to avoid the time in that in in your career where you are working with misaligned clients, yeah, and where you learn painfully that like this person's not the right fit for me, and just because it's a paycheck, like I need to be saying no and filtering. So, to just be clear, like that took a long time, but now I'm in a position where I have to say no to to clients that I want to work with, and that's that's like a that's my next challenge. Is like, oh my gosh, there's not enough, yeah, like there's not enough time in the day. I just I want I'm I have the the privilege of being able to work with so many awesome people. Yeah. Um. So that's all through word of mouth, and then reach out party. Just like it's really it's really I think very special. I have a 500 person waitlist for it right now. Oh my gosh! Congratulations! Thank you. Thank. I think like it's it's one of those things that I've really put like the 10,000 hours in. Yeah, with it. Yeah, it's I built it to be something that just truly is so unique and and so well thought through every single detail that I that I think the growth of it has come naturally because yeah I've spent so many years thinking and you know making it such a unique experience. But and to your point though, your earlier point of being intentional about kind of how you're showing up and being authentically you and how you're building it and flipping it on T-like everything you're advising your clients like doing that with your own product makes it feel like a real experience and you you probably think of details that you know plenty of other event you know throwers would never do and that like that's so cool and other people are thinking of things that you wouldn't and so like it'll kind of self select in some ways which is wonderful to have that brand identity, which sounds a little like non personal when I say it that way, but it is. It's just the identity of who you and your business are, and I think those things take time to build. You know, like a lot of people are like, "Oh my gosh, you've this is only you filled up, you know, the this cohort of the reach out party in two weeks, and then like for for a program that was like six months away, which is like it is super cool, and and also like I have been now doing this for seven years. Like I've been, I started. You know, it takes things things take a long time to develop and unfold into the iterations of them that that they like end up becoming, and I just think like most people, if they have the patience to kind of like see it through, even if they take like a couple gap years, which is what I did, like it it ends up kind of working itself out. Yeah. Well, and I think that I don't know if you felt this way also, but when you read success stories or you read interviews with people who sell a business or you know IPO or create a business, whatever it is, a lot of times they'll say like they worked really hard for a long time and and it finally pays off to everything you just said, and I kind of feel like when I was a 20-something year old, it was I kind of expected it to be more immediate because my life was short, right? Like I didn't I didn't have 15 years outside of racing. I didn't have 15 years that I was an expert at anything. And now that I'm in my mid 30s, you see how that pays off. And like for me, it's like with speaking. I've been keynote speaking now for 11 years, and I look back on little Julia when she started, and like the product was good, but it wasn't wasn't super polished, and it wasn't the best. But it's been 10 years, 11 years of refining, and then you start to see momentum pick up, and then like I feel like I feel like I'm now really understanding some of the 10,000 hours outside of racing, which was the only thing I measured anything through before, but like in the rest of life, and that's really cool. And you got to be patient. And if you're someone that is an ambitious person who whose work ties in a lot to their identity, which is a gift and a curse. It is, you know. Like I think, I think starting my career as an artist, there is no separation between work and life. Yeah. And then when I pivoted to tech, I was like, finally, I'll be able to have a separation between work and life, and you know, as I've kind of come back to exploring this like artist self and realizing like, oh, who am I actually? It's I've kind of accepted that I'm like, no, my my life is my work, my work is my life, and like that is the kind of person I am, and it's not for everyone. Yeah, but if you are the kind of person who ties a great piece of their identity to the work that they do in this life, it it can be really hard to have that patience of like things are not working out, things are not working out for a long time. But it it in my experience, and so many of you know my colleagues and friends too, it's like when you find that right thing, it's like a hockey stick. It's like it doesn't work out for a long time, and then you kind of like yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a great analogy, not one that I've heard before. I like that, and and I think also in the nature of being that type of person, you kind of just also have to know that, like, if if what you want to work out doesn't work out in the way that you envisioned, you'll figure out how to adapt and adjust and and find some other way. And it might not be perfect exactly what you want, but like you'll make it work. Yeah. Like when I when I was considering starting this business and like really going for it, I was like three months postpartum and I was walking with my husband in the park with our baby and I was like, what if I fail at like the thing that I care most about, and I was so like afraid I had been half-assing it for a long time. It's like, oh yeah, I do this like silly little thing where I help people reach out, and it's not a big deal. And it's like I just wasn't taking myself seriously. Yeah, I think for fear of failing at something that I really cared so deeply about. Yeah, and he was like, if you fail, then like you'll fail, and it'll be big and painful, and you'll learn something from it and move on. And it's like, otherwise, you'll always wonder, and that's like a way bigger failure than doing it and having it not work out. I was like, oh, okay, and there's there's something about just like making the decision to do something can can have such a crazy chain reaction. Oh yeah. Well, shout out to your husband for being. Shout out to your husband. Like that's great. But then yes, also to your point, sorry, and yes, to your point that you know the more that you try things, what I like preach all the time in keynotes. Like the more you try things, the more comfortable you get, and the higher your threshold becomes for trying other things. And that's when your world gets so much bigger. And that's how you build resilience. You don't build resilience by not attempting. Totally. Totally. Totally. So cool. Well, I'm so sad that we have to jump into the closing segment now. I know, right? I could talk to you forever. I like to ask each of my guests to complete the sentence if I'm honest, and it can be seen as parting wisdom for our listeners. So, how would you complete the sentence if I'm honest? If I'm honest, if I had known how important and beneficial, my theater education would be for my life as an entrepreneur. I would have started making work a lot sooner. Wow! I think everyone should go to theater school. Yeah, eight a.m. ballet will teach you way more than you think. Yeah, no, I'm sure. And like the, I feel like everything from discipline to self critique to, I mean, what are what were some of the other biggest things that stick out to you? Is like, I mean, there's so much about like scene work, listening. You're always up on your feet. You're always preparing a performance, and I think the other thing that I've been reflecting on a lot is like in theater school, the cool kids, like the culture in theater school is like you're cool if you book the lead, you're cool if you show up early to class and are friends with your professors. You're cool if you work hard and ask interesting questions. Like you're not cool if you're like drinking and you know. Of course, there's plenty of that too. But like, there is something so beautiful about being inside of a community where you are held to a higher standard, and you can learn so much from surrounding yourself with people who expect excellence from you. And I think that obviously goes beyond any like education or place for that. But we like that's something that we can all do is like surround ourselves with, reach out to people who we admire, who are smarter than us, more successful than us, and like surround ourselves with people who like raise our own expectations of what success could look like too. And it's such a powerful, such a powerful thing, and a production is a collaboration. Oh my god! So many people are dependent on you. I love what you said about you know the standard of excellence, and a lot of what you just described sounds a lot like racing as well. Like all people coming on a team together, and everyone has to be amazing, and you don't want to let your team down, and they don't want to let you down, and you have to be studious, and that's such a, and it's such a, it's such a unstable career choice. It's like you're kind of the underdog. At least if you, I mean, I grew up in a pretty traditional family. Like my my older brother's a doctor, my younger brother's a lawyer. It was very strange of me to choose this career as an artist, and I felt for a long time, and I'm super close to my family, and also I felt for a long time that, you know, I wasn't taken seriously by a lot of people in my life because this thing that I had chosen was. Unsustainable. It was a hobby. It was, it was not going to make me like successful. And it is 100% the thing that differentiates my business, that keeps me going on hard days, and that that that I think has made me successful and confident, and just the ability. I was even in the chief workshop yesterday. Afterwards, someone was like, "Do you still perform? And I was like, "Yep, you just saw it. Yeah, yeah, yes, I do. 100% It looks different, but it's absolutely the same. Yeah, and that goes to show, just as a reminder, everyone like no one else has to understand your vision. Obviously, like if you need to people to invest in it, like to a certain extent, but like when you're when you have an idea and you're going at the beginning, like no one else has to understand it because no one has the experiences that you have, no one has the brain that you have, and the lens with which you view the world. So I love that you followed that and and were true to yourself. So oh, so cool. Okay, we're gonna end on a rapid fire. So first, if you're honest, was there ever a tool that you invested in that ended up not being worth it for your business growth? So many. I mean, like, yeah. If I'm honest, I think that the tools that like promise that I'll get better at the things that I'm not great at. So like operations is a good example. I'm like, oh, if I buy this tool that for $30 a month I can, I can't even think of like a good example. Yeah, but like, but like things that where really I need a a person who can who can help me? Yeah. But yes. So I mean, that's the that's the thing about entrepreneurship too. It's like you you will make tracks in very very you will make tracks in very many wrong directions. Yeah. And that's kind of part of it. Part of it. Yeah. What's your favorite go to conversation starter? I love asking people what their dream is. Yeah. The right people. Some some people don't love answering that question, but you can kind of feel it out. Yeah, I like that. Is there a public figure whose presence you really admire? Jenny Slate. There we go. Yeah. What about it? Period. Period. And now second follow up section. And now let me word vomit everything I love about Jenny Slate. Jenny Slate is a multifaceted creative person. She everything from like acting, stand up comedy to like literally owning like a grocery store in Massachusetts. And the thing I love most about her and that I admire most about her is that she is a writer, and she's written one of like the most influential books. It's called Little Weirds, and it was just such an example of like I've never seen anyone write a book this way. Yeah, she's a very serious person who does very silly things, yeah, and I admire that a lot. That's really cool. I'm obsessed with stand-up comedians. Yes, I think it's such an it's huge and so talented and so smart and like oh so fun to speak with. What's something you do when you're feeling professionally overwhelmed? Meditate. Like a huge meditation practice that's kind of become like a non-negotiable for me. That's great. Yeah, what's your most used app? Claude Code. There we go. In the final, if you're honest, what's something you're grateful for right now? I'm really grateful for the feeling like I'm onto something. Like in, and this is in my personal life too. Of just like, I became a mom sooner than I wanted to, and when I got pregnant, shockingly, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, not ready. I was so afraid of how it would change me and all of these things, and I'm just like, I'm so grateful for you know everything that has happened and and just the feeling that I'm like, yeah, like being a mom has actually massively like changed the belief in myself and that I can do all of the things and more that I wanted to accomplish before I had kids, and like it's just I think there are there are so many things in my life right now that give me that tingling feeling that are like just feels like a good omen, feels like good omen to be in this room with you, and it's just like there's nothing better. There's nothing better than that feeling. Oh, that's so cool! I'm like, I'm getting tingles. Oh, it's so great. Oh, I'm so happy to hear that. And I mean, obviously, you deserve it. You're working so hard. So good for you. And I can't wait to see everything else that you build and how you expand. So we'll. I'll link everything. But where can people find you? Pretty much Carly Valancy on every. Place. I write on Substack. My Substack's called a Good Omen. I've kind of like recently fallen in love with LinkedIn, which has been a sore. Me too. Yeah, cool people there. Cool people there. Great. And those people want to. The people who are active want to meet other people. Oh my god, it's great. Yeah, but Carly Valancy on everything, and yeah, that's kind of it, Carly. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm so glad it worked out, and I will let you go so you can make your flight. Thank you so much. Thank you